「 love was in the air, 12:04 AM 」

Haizz~~ i'm going through self doubt again... Haizz~~ what's new? just went onto friendster after nearly a month to look at some of my friends' new photos and messages... I don't usually contact Jovin (a fren since kindergarten). In fact, i don't even remember talking to Jovin for at least a year and before the gathering last year, i didn't even contact her for 6 years! BUT... today i HAD to get a birthday reminder and get reminded of her and HAD to see her photo in Friendster and HAD to realise that she's attached to another one of my primary school friend. What a coincidence!!!
Haizz~~ For those of u who frequent my blog, u know what i'm gonna start talking about. Am i really weird? Am i really one of the last few souls in my primary, secondary and JC class girls to be attached? Am i really the ONLY one who has never really fallen in love before? Oh well, i know that i am NOT a freak... at least not weird enuff to be called a freak yet...there is nothing wrong with me. From what my friends tell me, i know i have a great personality and i'm a person who is capable of critical and independent thinking... I know that too. I also think that i'm ok girlfriend material(a bit BHB but i know that once i'm in love, i WILL treasure him)...Ok. So all conditions fulfilled... so what's wrong? Why don't i feel that all my good points are being recognised and being loved by someone?
Just this afternoon, i was having lunch with Chris and we were talking about relationships and me... I told her about the standards i set for my guy and she was telling me that i'm a little too demanding and perhaps i should lower my standards. Afterall, there aren't many guys around who can meet my standards... My reply? I don't see why i have to do that. I don't think i'm being very demanding... i only want a guy who knows how to enjoy the finer things in life. A simple musical, a nice glass of red wine, a simple dinner at home (i dun even mind just hawker centre food larhh) for two with a nice cd playing at the back, a simple movie. Is it really that tough to find a guy who is willing to teach me about wine appreciation and enjoy a simple piece of music with me? I will cut him some slack here and there when a few things don't meet up to my expectations anyway... So why is it so hard to find my guy? (Chris: i know i should consider sheen... I think he's nice but er... he's afterall still my prof... not v nice yea?)
Oh well, today's self doubt is slightly different from the past few. Today i do not doubt whether i'm desperate. I AM. I think getting attached is something trendy for people my age and i don't want to lose out and not be at the forefront of this trend BUT that doesn't mean that i am willing to lower my standards...I don't think following this trend should be any reason for me to just GRAB a guy... Today's doubt is about my standards and my expectations of my future possible bf... Am i really too demanding? Should i change my standards? Afterall, with my standards, it's hard to imagine me being able to match up with a guy who's so good...
Pals, if you are reading this blog and wish to comment, please state what u honestly think... Don't console me... I'm ok... I just need to find out whether i've really set impossible standards for my guy to meet.

YYY
「 love was in the air, 6:17 PM 」

hey giam, taking ur advice, i've decided to update my blog.
I'm now in class, sitting right behind my prof and I NEED TO PEE!!! Hahahh~

YYY
「 love was in the air, 7:04 AM 」

Just read my previous few entries and i realised that one of them talked about me having not messaged him for a week plus... Btw, it's now been more than a month since i tried not messaging him. Oh well, i messaged him just last monday and i kinda said that i was thankful that i didn't lose a friend cos of my stubbornness...He replied and said that he shoould be the one who's thankful(i think so too... afterall, he was the one who didn't treasure the friendship)... Anyway, after seeing this msg, i asked him then why didn't he even bother to msg me thru out this whole period and he didn't reply... (-_-)"
Oh well,this just shows one thing. He wasn't really thankful that he didn't lose a friend. I don't think he even cared... LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!! LOUSY LIAR!!!! Ok~ i'm done screaming... Anyway, those of u who are reading this and are getting worried, don't. I'll be ok soon.. i"m just really pissed at him. I also wonder why of all people in the world, i hafta get to know a jerk... Seriously, i don't know anyone else in the whole universe who treats his friends like the way he treats me... JERK!
Alright... I think i'm done complaining about him for now... Shall continue with my plans and go take my shower now... Have a great morning guys!!! =)

YYY

Just went to opendiary.com to check out my dear's diary... Sigh~ Think my dear and i are in the same situation. We both feel that we are simply not appreciated by certain people... sigh~ i guess that explains why my dear and i can click so well...dear. if u're reading this, just remember that u always have me k?
Anyway, went to look for my own diary in opendiary... It was really funny... My previous entry was still about Ken!!! (0_0)" That was like a zillion years ago... Since then i've moved on to this blog (i think)... Afterall, the entries in this blog are not as outdated. But then, i somehow still remember that when i had both my blog and opendiary, i liked opendiary more... It was much easier to manage and u didn't hafta waste so much time trying to look for a nice new blogskin... Wonder why i'm now at blogger... hmmm... perhaps i should switch back to opendiary.com... =P
Btw, it's 647 am and it's a sunday!!! I wonder why i'm awake at this kinda time. I don't even wake up this early when i have an 830am class... (-_-)" Now i'm thinking if i shld go for service with my friends... I feel like being a hermit crab this morning... how??? Sighz~~ will decide later la... I might just msg her to tell her that i overslept and that i'm too sleepy to go to her church. That's not exactly a lie... although i'm now typing at an amazing speed in front of my lappie, i'm actually yawning and dozing off...Then why the heck do i bother to wake up at 6 plus to type an entry? Honestly speaking, i dunno... I'm kinda tired but i just couldn't sleep anymore just now... Anyway, i think i go take my shower first.. I will decide later whether i still wanna go out...

YYY
「 love was in the air, 10:49 PM 」

Server had prob and it ate up my previous entry.. it was a bloody long entry k? *fuming mad* Hoi, Blogger!!! SPIT IT OUT!!! I WANT MY ENTRY!!! irritating... anyway, i REFUSE to retype that long entry. Will tell u guys what it was about
1) Me got reminded of him yesterday...
2) tho i got reminded of him , i still had a great time shopping with giam.
THats it... details? Wait for blogger to cough out my entry k?? It must have been starving.. Ate my entry like that. =P

YYY
「 love was in the air, 3:51 PM 」

Just read my blog and realised that i haven't typed any entry in like more than 2 weeks... Not cos i'm flooded with work... Just too lazy i guess? Or maybe like what sharon said, people usually blog more when dey are in a bad mood...=P
Anyway, just heard an all time favourite on 93.3FM (dunno why i just didn't wanna listen to class 95 today... got sick of it, i guess). Here's the lyrics:

Can't Smile Without You -- Barry Manilow

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'd believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard leavin' your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...

I went to look for the lyrics cos i felt for the song. But then er... don't ask me who is the "you"... i have absolutely no idea. I only feel that the song is apt for describing what i feel now because i can't seem to smile now... can't seem to work either... i don't think these feelings are related to anyone at all... hmmm...just mood swing i think.. hahhah...

anyway, was looking through the lyrics of songs by Barry Manilow and found a really meaningful song... Check it out. =)

I Made It Through The Rain -- Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it throught the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

YYY